My life has always been a disastrous mess, I could never be happy.
Well, in a way I am happy with life.
I am thankful for my family, friends(if I have any) and my values.
it is exactly 2:53 and I still can’t sleep
I am tired but with so many thoughts in my head I can’t process correctly.
I am currently listening to, what is helping me cope with this heartbreak, Stevie nicks.
with that, you could definitely say I am in depression mode.
why is that you may ask yourself? (ahaha jk you’re probably saying ‘bitch no one cares’ or ‘why is this bitch so depressing?’)
It all started with an acquaintance that grew into a friendship, then into more than a friendship, that is now a heartbreak.
One could blame my self esteem for my depression but I deny that; I mainly blame myself for not taking any risks for the fact that I don’t want to let lust become into love. Scratch that out, love is a strong word, lets replace the word love to affection for another individual. As a person, I consider myself unique, I do not like to show emotions nor share them whether it is physically or verbally. People consider me cold blooded/hearted but I will confess I am quite the opposite. I am fragile, I do show emotion, I am weak, I am scared, I am everything that you can’t imagine but also I do feel lonesome every now and then. Sometimes I feel I am never good enough because I am not. Sometimes I try telling myself I will be better off happy by myself and life would be a lot less stressful but honestly as a human being I do crave the affection that a male being can offer. It is impossible to continue believing something you continuously remind yourself everyday when a freaking fucker has stolen your heart. You fight against it (your emotions) but they always overpass you. It is hard fighting yourself. As cliché this may sound, the battle between your heart and brain is always the toughest; your heart says something but your brain contradicts it believing in something else. Whats stopping me from me is myself and let me tell you it is not the best feeling in the world. I could never satisfy myself. I wonder, if I will ever find someone valuable, besides my family, to care for them. I believe not but I feel that it may happen. A friendship may be a counter example to that argument/statement. I care for my friends although I don’t show it for the fear of being devastated if something bad happens to our relationship. I already had two cases where my “friends” have dated or caught the attention of the boy who I like, and let me tell you ITS THE MOST FUCKING PAINFUL THING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU. it makes you feel inferior to them and all you could think of is the bad qualities you obtain such as, “I am so fat, short, ugly, dumb, stupid, and more stupid with a dash of ugly and fat.” you start judging yourself by comparing yourself to them and conclude that you will never be good enough. You start wondering where does this all come from? why am I actually depressed? what is causing these feelings? why am I judging myself harshly? As this all develops you discover the culprit fucker to blame, but the sad part he doesn’t have a single clue you’re dying emotionally. The sad part is you’re making yourself have high hopes of something that may never happen. I wish I wasn’t such a coward when it came to expressing my feelings but I cant help myself I have a real low self esteem and positive things that define me as a person. Sometimes I am afraid of letting the person because I am scared of liking them a lot. It’s happened unexpectedly and it sucks major sweaty balls. I sometimes believe I will make a good gf, no lie I will, I would never get jealous of another girl talking to “my man” because I genuinely believe that that shows low class for a girl with virtuous behavior.
I NEED TO STOP GETTING OFF TOPIC AND GET TO THE GODDAMN POINT.
It is difficult to like someone for me, I… I seriously don’t feel depressed at all. Thanks a lot tumblr. you helped me once again . I LOVE YOU.
PS: if youre feeling down maybe its best to jot down your thoughts to decrease your negativity. It is exactly an hour later, 3:43, and I feel a lot better. Okaaaay not “a lot” but a little bit better.
Dave Grohl’s Sound City Players Tear It Up at Sundance
Hours after his “Sound City” documentary premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, Dave Grohl took 800 fans on a three-hour musical odyssey at Park City Live that emphasized his personal connection to the Van Nuys, Calif., recording studio his film chronicles.
Taking the stage at 9:35 p.m. Friday (Jan. 18) under the name of Sound City Players, Grohl used the Foo Fighters in various configurations and created a few supergroups to explore the music of Fleetwood Mac, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Queens of the Stone Age, Fear and Rick Springfield, introducing music recorded for the film as they went along. A Herculean feat — Grohl never left the stage — that resulted in an expertly executed night.
With his introduction of each artist, all of whom recorded significant works at the studio, Grohl made evident his personal connection to the music. Fear was the band he heard in Chicago when he was 12 that made him want to be a musician; Cheap Trick’s “Surrender” was the soundtrack to his drunken summer as a 16 year old in Delaware; Rage Against the Machine was the debut album that sounded like absolutely nothing he had ever heard before. After they hit the final chords of “Jessie’s Girl” while backing Rick Springfield, an overjoyed Grohl leaned into his microphone, waved his right arm and said “Bucket list. Check.”
The supergroup concept employed in the first half of the show worked extraordinarily well, as each band sounded as if they had been in rehearsals for a month. The first featured Chris Goss (Masters of Reality) on guitar and vocals, Rage Against the Machine drummer Brad Wilk and Grohl on bass; Slipknot’s Corey Taylor fronted the second one with Cheap Trick guitarist Rick Nielsen, Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic and Grohl moving between guitar and drums. Queens of the Stone Age’s Alain Johannes, the first guest of the night, was in and out of both bands. “Ain’t That a Shame,” the Fats Domino hit that Cheap Trick covered in 1979, sounded ferocious.
John Fogerty — he wore a trademark flannel, Grohl did not — romped through the swampier hits of Creedence Clearwater Revival, “Born on the Bayou” and “Keep on Chooglin’” among them, and the Foo Fighters sound like double-tracked version of CCR. The Foos brought a power pop edge to Springfield that gave his music a texture at a midpoint between the Ramones and the Police, a sound that shapes their new recording, “The Man That Never Was.”
And after accommodating hardcore punk, power pop, hard rock and other styles, they perfectly emulated the softer side of Fleetwood Mac as Stevie Nicks led the band through “Dreams” and “Gold Dust Woman.” Her set opened with “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around,” allowing the Foos to take on the role of Heartbreakers, and included “Landslide,” which Nicks sang with Grohl on 12-string guitar, an accordionist and violinist. “Landslide,” along with “Jessie’s Girl” and Fogerty’s “Proud Mary,” found crowd, ranging in age from early 20s to 60, boisterously singing every word.
Much as the night was a tribute to music recorded between 1973 and the end of the 20th century, new music recorded at Grohl’s studio — where the Sound City Neve console is housed — made it into the mix as well. Nicks premiered “You Can’t Fix This,” written, she said, after her godson died from alcohol poisoning after a fraternity hazing. Taylor-Nielsen’s “From Can to Can’t” opened as a Zeppelin-esque dirge and exploded into a grinding rock epic — think “Dazed and Confused” mashed with the Beatles’ “I Want You (She’s So Heavy).” Lee Ving’s “Your Wife is Calling” was as hard, fast and loud as the Fear songs they performed.
The Sound City Players have one other gig booked, a Jan. 31 show at the Hollywood Palladium. It’s the same night as the theatrical premiere of “Sound City,” which will play for a week in eight cities an have one-night showings around the country. It will be available digitally on Feb. 1.
RCA will release the soundtrack, “Sound City - Real to Reel,” on March 15. The 11 tracks were all recorded at Grohl’s studio with the Sound City board and features new work from Paul McCartney and Trent Reznor in addition to the musicians in the Sound City Players.
Hans F. Hansen (via go-aboveandbeyond)